where do i go…?

so i got the email today after a month of waiting that i was not accepted into LVC. initially it was a shock. i mean i have all these people around me saying that there’s no way they wouldn’t accept me, that for sure i’d get in.

then i don’t. i’m still unsure whether or not i’m more sad about the fact that i didn’t get in or the fact that everyone thought i was and now i have to tell them all i didn’t.

i’m sad. i’ve cried. i’m still crying, but i’m an emotional person so its understandable. i think the thing that is really making me sad and scared is that i thought i had my life planned out, at least the next year of it. i thought i knew where i was going and what i wanted to do. but then here i am, with nothing. i put all my cards into LVC. all i’m left with is the fact that i am going to be an under qualified college grad come may with no plans for the future. i mean i’ll work at camp and love it, but after that what do i do?

after talking to my mom and realizing that maybe LVC really wasn’t for me. maybe i would have had a horrible year and hated it. maybe God is directing me towards something else. i thought this was my path and now all i can do is pray that God will lead me to where i need to be, doing something that is worthwhile and still in His name.

i have the most loving, caring and supportive mother anyone could ask for. i’m fearful that after camp i’ll just move home and end up back at target. i don’t want that for my life. i want something bigger, better. its hard to see past this let down. all i can do to get through this is know that God is always there and will always lead me where i need to be and he’s given me my family and i am so grateful for their never ending love and support.

Dear God,
I don’t know what this all means yet, and I know you have a plan for me. Please be with me and help me and guide me down this right path. I’m so scared of the future and not knowing what it holds. Please be with me and guide me. Help me to be patient and realize things don’t happen overnight. I thank you so much for all you have given me and done for me. I thank you for for my wonderful family and friends who are always so supportive. I love you.

Amen.