So Tired. . .

A new blog? We’ll see. . .

I was never really good about writing in my Xanga, but maybe since not very many people know about this (okay only one other besides me) I will write in it more. Maybe it’ll be more like a journal. Right now its a little too early to decide. If you don’t count the 15 minute and 45 minute “naps” I took, I have now officially been up for 24 hours. Why do I do this? It pretty much messes up my whole weekend. Oh well, its not like I had anything planned for the rest of the weekend except for some homework and church.

You when you have those moments when you just know God is speaking directly to you? Yeah, I had one of those last night. I went to The Rock (a church) with a friend, mostly because I hadn’t hung out with her in a while and really missed her company. Boy did I get a surprise when the pastor started speaking. It was like he was speaking directly to me. I’m not saying he was only speaking to me, because I know there are people out there that are feeling the same way or a way that the message really spoke to them too, but it just really pertained to what I am going through in my life right now. Friendships are needing to be reevaluated, while I feel like I need to rekindle some old friendships or possibly lose them forever.

Basically, ever since starting college I met this girl that once we started to get to know each other I felt like we were like the same person. We have a lot of the same interests and love to do the same things. Well, that turned into hanging out with her all the time and practically becoming attached, that people started getting us mixed up and when we weren’t together people would ask where the other one was. Now I’m the type of person that likes to mostly do my own thing. I don’t really like to be copied and I try not to copy others, but it just got to the point that we were doing things the same and even it seemed like we were thinking the same. I got caught up in material things that we had in common, like going to concerts and pop culture and things of that caliber. I was becoming this shallow person who had no substance. The really sad part about this story is that I didn’t even realize what I was becoming. I was having fun, but also forgetting about the things most important to me (my religion, politics, other friends. . .). After three semesters of bad grades and lots of wasted time, I’m finally realizing that I missed out on so many opportunities.

After many talks with my mom and especially after last nights message by the pastor of The Rock, its really hit me that I need to turn my life around. I need to go recover the things that mean the most to me and become a person of substance again. I still really like this friend, but I really need to go out and find friends who will talk on a deeper level with me. Ones that will talk politics and religion and will actually have an opinion on important issues. I’m not going to desert this friend, because really she is a good friend and I still like going to concerts and listening to music, but it can’t be my whole life anymore. It will have to be put on a lower level of priority. If I want to make something of my life I need to go out there and pursue something more than where I seemed to be headed. Please pray for me. This semester is going to be a real challenge. I just hope that now that I realize I was on the wrong path, God will give me the strength to see where He wants me to go from here.

Alright almost time to go. I guess that’s pretty good for a first post and boy does it feel good to get that off my chest. Good Night!